How will I be Judged?

The time of judgement is upon me. Tonight at midnight my pseudo-life (my blog) will be judged. Have I been just, have I been thorough, have I been honest and kind?

I beleive so. But if I be judged on the needful thing then perhaps I may be judged harshly. I did not finish The Bible. I only made it into the book of Numbers specifically Numbers 2. What I will say is up to that point I was reading thoroughly word for word, and when I found myself staring I stopped. Yes, numbers is where I lost my resolve. I dabbled in the other books Ruth, Luke, and Paul. Revelation I read through and through, climactic, exciting, viseral. Upon reflection I realize that I was destracted by other classes, my AA meetings, my lover, and my stomach. I cannot blame television because I don't have cable, and Netflix has hardly been needful. To be honest, in some sense I am disappointed in myself. I knew and know that I am capable of such a task, but I did not hold myself to it. However I plan on continuing my Bible reading. I plan to finish it over the break, before spring semester consumes my life.

Bottom line, I feel good. I feel I learned something about myself and about the world in opening the pages to The Bible. I was ignorant that is for sure, and an ignoramous I may still be if only a little less. I find it needless to blog endlessly now to make up for my sloth. I feel it would be like finding god during the Rapture (well no shit). This has been an apocolytic class.

In the words of Edward R. Murrow, "Good night, and good Luck."

Term Paper: Online

The Slave: the internal, external & digression

            The Slave. The slave is not just a man bound by chains, or that is driven by the point of the sword or the barrel of the gun. The slave can be bound by that which exerts no physical force or physical pain. The Slave can be bound and driven by an internal struggle. The slave in that case is bound by faith and belief, driven by principle. Thus is created two types of slaves the slave to the external and the slave to the internal. The external slave driven by the point of the sword or the end of the barrel, bound by chains or the like can define their pain.  This slave can see the source of his/her trials and tribulations. The slave of belief has a more difficult time defining the source. The slave of the self has none to blame, no finger to point, and if he/she were to place the blame upon their own faith and belief it would almost contradict their very existence.  Yet, that slave must at some point acknowledge being a slave to ones self. With no extrinsic force at work, the only option is to look on the inside. In most cases the two versions of the slave are not mutually exclusive, but a hybrid of the two trapped within in the same mortal coil.  

            Great pain and suffering in endured by one with great conviction, and with great conviction also comes great pain and suffering. Strong convictions can create a rigidity of the soul by acting in accordance to a certain faith and belief. Thus in the ebb and flow of societal change the slave is bent and broken over those convictions. Faith in effect acts as a metaphorical rack for the soul, and the slave endures and endures, because on the other side when the vessel is no more and the pain is gone paradise awaits with promises of eternal life. “The true palace lies beyond. Don’t let yourself be barred from it for the sake of a moment’s pleasure.”(Singer 21)Like the child whom told by the father to wait to indulge, to suffer in patient obedience for the treat in the end. The rack of the soul and the source of the pain is manifested from the conflict between the principle and the internal slave’s baser human nature. This internal conflict eats at the slave from the inside out. The soul wants to indulge, and to live.

            The form of the slave is manifested in Isaac Beshevis Singer’s novel The Slave.  The protagonist Jacob is both afflicted by the literal external form of slavery as well as the slavery of the soul, “making him a man at war with himself.” (Singer 36) However the more tragic is Wanda a slave to love the deadliest tyrant of all. Like Socrates had said in Plato’s Phaedrus, love “overpowers a person’s reasoning …this desire, all conquering in its forceful drive, takes its name from the word for force and is called Eros.” (Plato 18) Love. The novel stands as a testament to this dualism of the body and soul and how each is a slave in its own right.

            The typical extrinsic form of slavery exhibits force. One person being quite literally in control of the other etc… That is the quick and dirty of slavery. In fact an even quicker and dirtier way would be looking online for a definition of the word slave. On the other hand there are more implicit aspects of the internal slave, those that cannot be seen. This individual is a slave in the non traditional sense where the forces of enslavement are exerted internally.

            What is more difficult to decipher in Jacob’s case is whether or not he is a slave to God or a slave to religion. He does say at one point, “we are all slaves…God’s slaves.” (Singer 90) It could be argued that because Jacob is bound by orthodox practices of his religion that he is in fact a slave to his religion and not to his God. The religion being the entity that mandates all of the rules and regulations that Jacob must abide by. These guidelines are prescribed as a source of piety in the hopes that it will make him pious and essentially secure for himself a place in heaven after his life of suffering. However, it could also be said that even though he acts as a slave to his belief system, his faith in God acts as his captor. In this case faith serves as Jacob’s connection to God, his God consciousness. But take notice that in the novel Jacob seldom asks Rabbis or fellow Jews for guidance. There is the occasion in which Jacob encounters the Jewish emissary (Rabbi) but there isn’t so much a plea for direction but an attempt to remember what it means to be Jewish. As a side effect he gets a spine when the emissary remarks, “all is foreseen but the choice is given.” (Singer 266) No more asking, pleading, guessing or waiting.

             Despite this instance Jacob more often than not directs his prayers and actions toward direct connection with God. He prays to God, and acts with the assumption that God is watching him and is privy to his inner thoughts. He remarks, “I’m damned already,” (Singer 35) just after the thought of ravishing that sweet gentile Wanda. Throughout the novel it appears that two different entities are involved with the slavery of his soul, religion and God. His religion tells him what to do, what to wear, what to read, what to eat etc…In that sense it would appear that he is a slave to religion and not to God. Jacob does these things invariably because he assumes God is watching but God does nothing says nothing, like a contentious objector. At various moments Jacob does rely on God and not on his religion, in what to seem to be moments of clarity. However they are short lived because he resorts back to what he ‘should’ do, as per the prayers and practices of his religion. In effect this makes him a slave to religious practices and ideology because he believes this, the way to be pious.

            Yet Jacob breaks many of the laws of his religion making him a heretic of sorts, and he still returns. If his God, the God of the Jews is watching Jacob then no doubt he would be very displeased. God would be in the know. Now if God knows that Jacob is breaking the holy laws, and Jacob knows that God knows, then why return and why try so hard to pull of the charade of piety through religion. This is because Jacob is not a slave to God but to his religion. Jacob’s beliefs and faith have everything to do with his religion. Why continue if God knows? Because Jacob doesn’t care about God, he cares about being accepted in society. He is scared to start new, scared to change. He spent so much of is life as a Jew how is he going to start over? So he ignores what God knows and continues to ‘play’ orthodox Jew with his lying gentile wife who is carrying his bastard child. Also quite interesting is Jacob’s affinity for his religion despite all of his quarrels and troubles with those of his same denomination, “the robbed”…who…”had become robbers.” (Singer 270) At the end of the day, the question becomes who is Jacob trying to fool? The answer is himself.

            Then there is Wanda a poor peasant girl that became a slave of love. This is slavery. One only needs a minimal knowledge of poetry and writing regarding love to come to realize the power that love exerts on the love struck individual. “This is the monstrosity in love, lady, that the will is infinite and the execution confined; that the desire is boundless, and the act a slave to limit.” (Shakespeare) Wanda’s actions speak volumes to this proposal. In her case she transformed. She learned the ways of a religion she did not believe, she shaved her head, she changed her name, and she played deaf and dumb. She may have been wanting, but only driven under the lash of love. In the end her husband left her side (not physically) but in his support and protection, he did not stand by her. She died alone. On top of all this buried in an unmarked grave outside the cemetery walls like swine. This was not a willing course of action Wanda was a slave. Slave to love. Slavery in The Slave came in many forms. Humans are slave to themselves and slaves to each other. Slaves to the sword as much as slaves to love itself.